Section 1
Cookies: We reserve the right to set cookies and use use services that set cookies. Hell if we know what happens after that. Even if we had legal agreements with those external services, we wouldn’t trust those third parties to abide by the agreements. Nether should you.
Section 2
Log retention: The web server we use logs all incoming requests (“traffic logs”) just like any reasonable web server software. We reserve the right to keep these traffic logs forever. We also reserve the right to delete the logs any time and for any reason; including that we’re too drunk, lazy, or stupid to find something else to delete when we need more space on the server. If we have to decide between deleting porn or these logs… don’t bet on the logs.
Section 3
Compliance with law enforcement: If any law enforcement agency of any nation recognized by the United Nations demands copies of our traffic logs or other information about our users, we will hand that information over gladly. I’m not going to jail for your sorry ass.
Section 4
Log privacy: I won’t sell, reveal, distribute or otherwise share our traffic logs or other user information ever, no way no how. The only exception to that is if someone offers us money. In that case your sorry-ass data is gonna buy me a new pair of shoes! For $100,000 or more, I’ll personally hand-deliver the information on USB sticks (cost of air-fare, hotel, and travel expenses not included). For $1,000,000 or more I’ll personally print out the information, fly it to the purchaser, and manually re-type it onto your computer. For even more money I’ll perform sexual services… especially if you are particularly good looking or hung. Determination of what constitutes “good looking” and “very hung” is up to me. All decisions are final.
Section 5
This section was deleted.
Section 6
This section has not yet been deleted, but will not appear in the next revision. Consider yourself warned.
Section 7
Any article tagged or categorized “rant”, “humor”, “prediction”, “Google”, “amazon”, “Att”, “Att-Executives” or “Libertarian” is parody and should be treated as such.
Section 8
Location: This website is hosted in the U.S. but that may change. Heck, I’m not even sure where in the U.S. it is hosted. It’s all virtual.
Section 9
Disputes: Disputes between me and you will be resolved by a face-slapping contest like on the TV show How I Met Your Mother.
Section 10
If you think I’m not taking website privacy seriously, I’m doing better than most websites, you just haven’t been paying attention.
