Reporters say that NY Gov Cuomo is calling Jeff Bezos begging him to reconsider.
I’m sure he’s offering even MORE concessions.
Here’s what I would do as governor:
Jeff, dude! Please reconsider! I’ll do anything to have HQ2 in New York. In fact, here’s what I’m willing to offer:
First, what does Amazon’s employees need more than anything else? Good public transit. “Talent wants transit.” These kids wanna go from Long Island City to their homes, to the awesome entertainment in Manhattan, the art scene in Brooklyn, the underground dance clubs in Bushwick. So I tell you want I’m gonna do: If you put HQ2 in my state, I’ll create a special tax that only applies to Amazon, which will raise $20 billion dollars for upgrades and new subways lines that will directly help your employees. This is a great deal! Your young employees will get to ruin the underground dance scene by flooding it, and everyone else in NYC gets a better subway system!
Second, ask yourself “what’s the #1 thing potential employees ask Amazon when considering moving to HQ2?” I’ll tell you what it is. It’s “How are the schools?” Well, the schools in NYC are all either fucking amazing or amazingly fucked. There isn’t a lot in the middle. So here’s my promise if you move HQ2 to my humble state. I’ll create a special tax that only applies to Amazon which will raise $10 billion for school improvements. We will double the salaries of our children’s teachers. This will draw i the top talent. Imagine how much better the schools will be when a PhD Physics researcher realizes they can make MORE money by being a NYC school teacher? Imagine how many brilliant corporate MBAs will leave industry to teach that “intro to business” highschool class. It will be the most successful educational reform ever done.
PLEASE JEFF! Consider my offer! It is great for your employees and great for NYC!
Oh, and if you think $30 billion in new taxes is a lot… I could propose $40 billion! We also need to fix all the bridges and tunnels that go in and out of our city!
